*City of Angels

2001...
Weeks before the attack on the Twin Towers...


A bar...
Somewhere in East LA...


Jacques Laurent walked into his neighbourhood bar and looked around. There weren't too many people in. Which was good since he just wanted to have a drink in peace, then head to the airport and catch the red-eye to Las Vegas. The weeks upto final submissions had been a huge strain but all that hard work had paid off and he was going to reward himself with a week in Sin City.
His favourite seat at the bar was empty. There were only a couple of people at the bar. A woman who was at the far end and a man sitting on the seat next to him. She was staring vacantly straight ahead. Her face had a worn look. Probably the excessive makeup. Or maybe too much shit in life. I wonder if she's a hooker...
As the bartender got him his whiskey, Jacques took a closer at the man sitting next to him trying to be unobtrusive about it. He had a mop of that dirty blond hair, was wearing a checked flannel shirt and well worn jeans, both of which had seen better days. Dropping his gaze lower, he saw his shoes. This guy had boots on. Tan in colour and well wrinkled. Like it was his favourite pair. Hmm could I actually be looking at an honest-to-goodness cowboy here in Los Angeles?! thought Jacques.

As he was lifting the glass to his lips, the cowboy turns his head and looks directly into his face. Feeling a little caught and not knowing what else to do, Jacques nods his head at him and mutters, 'Santé' and takes a drink of his whiskey. "What's that you said?" asks the cowboy.
"Santé... its a toast... like Cheers. It means 'to your health' in French" says Jacques.
"Aah... health. Well that.. I've got. What I could with is a little luck... or maybe discipline..."
"So are you from these parts? Or just visiting?"
"Just got in from Montana a while back... came in for some work. What about you?"
"I live down the road actually...", replies Jacques. "Just came in to get a drink before I head to the airport."
"Where you off to?" asks the cowboy
"Vacation... Vegas baby!" says a grinning Jacques.
The cowboy laughed, "I love that city... in the old days I partied in places like you wouldn't believe but that city... man that place is something else... you can really party there. I'm sure you're gonna have a great time."

The alcohol had broken the ice and after introductions, the cowbuy continued, "You know a long time ago before I bought my ranch in Montana, I used to live here in LA... not more than a couple of blocks from here actually. Lived here for 3 years with my friend Bob. me and Bob used to have some fun together. I love to party... but Bob... he really really loved to party! We'd done some serious alcohol and drugs back then."
He even talked about the time he was seeing a pretty actress and had even gotten engaged to her before she called off the wedding three days before it was to happen. "Never get caught with a stripper before your wedding... that's my advice" he said chuckling.

Jacques felt a little uncomfortable about this much personal information being shared so he decided to steer the conversation in a different direction, "You mentioned earlier you were in LA for some work?! Don't imagine you're here to buy cattle right?!" he asked cheekily.
"No", said the cowboy, "I'm here for an audition..."
"An audition?! For what?"
"It's for the pilot of a new TV show", said the cowboy
"What? Seriously?! Get outta here... Really?!"
"Why the surprise? Is it that hard to believe?!"
"Well no... its just you don't seem like the type. Right now you'd look like the Marlboro Man if you had a stetson!" said Jacques.
"So you actually don't watch a lot of TV do you?!" smiled the cowboy.
"Not really. I don't even own a TV nor do I watch movies" said Jacques.
"Oh?! So what do you do for entertainment??" asks the cowboy a little puzzled.
"I like to read a lot... Mostly non fiction but in fiction only the classics. In fact I'm currently reading the The Count of Monte Cristo probably the 17th or 18th time, after which I will re-read The Three Musketeers. As you can tell, I'm a huge fan of Alexandre Dumas."
"So...", continued Jacques, "what the show about?"
"Well right now all I know is that its a thriller of sorts... They're gonna do a bunch of episodes now and then see how that goes... Funnily enough the part I'm going to audition for is kinda like your name. I'm gonna take that as an omen." He laughed at that.
Jacques smiled as well and said, "I hope it's a good one..."
"Me too man me too... The funny thing is if anyone'd asked me a couple years ago if I'd do a television show, I'd have laughed at them. It's not something a film actor would 'consider' doing... But I've been away for a while now... and I'm hoping this might turn out to be a good thing for me..."

And so saying he waved over the bartender. Puting a few bills on the bartop, he tells the bartender, "Give my friend here another drink okay" Then turning to Jacques he says, "Good talking to you. Don't get too crazy in Vegas." Gives him a quick wink, shakes hands and walks out into the night.
By the time Jacques had boarded his flight later that night, he'd forgotten all about the shabby cowboy.


5 years later...


He was early for his appointment at the dentist's. To kill time he started leafing through some old magazines. Not surprisingly, most of them atleast 2-4 months old. The 'newest' of the lot was last month's issue of TV Guide. As he was flipping through the pages, he came across a small blurb on one of the pages - According to The Hollywood Reporter, Kiefer Sutherland and 20th Century FOX reached a deal for three additional seasons of 24. Sutherland will make at least $40 million for three more seasons, making him the highest-paid actor in a drama series. The actor who plays the lead role of Counter Terrorism agent Jack Bauer, will also take on the mantle of Executive Producer. Sutherland had taken up retirement from acting to pursue a calf roping rodeo career prior to joining the cast of 24. On being asked about how the show has affected him, Sutherland had this to say, "Twelve years ago, if anyone had suggested I would do TV, I would have laughed at them. Film actors didn't do TV. But when I was finally offered 24 in 2001, it came like a saving grace. I owe it a lot."


Well I'll be damned... thought Jacques.



*Bonus material in the DVD comments section

Happy to you

The birthday month is here again... Bugger! I mean not that birthdays are bad or anything... feels like the last one just barely went by.

Work sucks... coz there's not much of it coming thru. So to fill up my time (and wallet) I've taken up some small writing assignments. So far I've covered intellecutally gripping topics ranging from the felonious (How to make counterfeit money on your computer) to the healthy (How much should a teenager weigh?) along with some high finance (How to make fast free money online) thrown in there as well. Not a Pulitzer gig thats for dang sure. Atleast I wasn't as fortunate as my other fellow writers who had the pleasure of 'How much do celebrities weigh?' or the even more riveting 'How much do Supermodels weigh?'
But hey it gives me something to kill my time. Some extra money for the beer and peanuts don't hurt neither.

What's got me more kicked is my decision to write some material for standup. Hugely inspired by the amateur comedy night I attended at this club a few weeks ago. So much easier trying to write occasionally humourous stuff on the blog and getting a few laughs from people who get/like my kinda humour. Of course translating that into an act for the stage is a whole other ball game. Those amateurs had 2 minutes a piece to showcase their giggle inducing skillz. Doesn't seems like much but Maaaannnn! you can so bomb in 30 seconds let alone 120. There was one chick in particular who was cheered by us coz it was good to finally see a woman up there after like 5 dudes. But all thoughts of supporting women etc were blown ouffa the stage with a pretty poorly written act. I'm all for self depracating humour but you gotta be good at doing it. And never never N-E-V-E-R piss off the audience by saying shit like, "Well atleast one of you got it." You dumb bitch! That one who laughed was probably your friend who did it out of loyalty.

I'm not sure if I'll be ready to get under the bright lights and spout my spiel. But its fun putting down stuff for potential sketches. Material I've put down so far includes - adventures while ordering takeout, Indians travelling on a plane, partying in the 'cool' places...
Boy I can barely clamp down the deliciouso vitriol that's just beggin' to come out ;)

What else what else? I've been on a sick spree of dling music lately. In the past year or so I have been listening to a lot of ambient chillout stuff. Very loungey, lo-fi and sometimes trancey kinda music. Hangover from all those Goa trips I suppose. If y'all need some seriously cool music for your cafe or something, you know who to call. Hell I've even provided some friends with 'get you into the mood' kinda music. Thought about naming that mixed cd as McLovin' but settled for the more sophisticated Aural Pleasure hehe I love me some wordplay ;)

Q. In what 2 ways is pornography associated with this blog?
A. Tori Black & Fayth Deluca (sorry to disappoint but I chose the cleanest pages)

yeaaahhh... So in case you felt the need to egosurf, be prepared for Google to throw up some interesting results once in a while :D
But damn... Miss Black is cute!

And lastly I sign off with a few new songs (apparently I put up cool links so I have a rep to protect lol) which are on the loopy playlist:-

Shkabang - This is an electro rock n roll supergroup featuring the likes of Anushka Manchanda on vocals along with some heavyweights from the Mumbai gig circuit who've played with bands like Pentagram, Zero ,Tough on Tobacco and Hypnotribe. Quite like their sound. Should be a good album when they come through with it eventually.

Vicodin Love Confessions - Just love the name of this band out of Toronto, Canada. Bit of alternative and a dash of indie along with a whole lot of rock. Their new single Jeebus is up for download on the popular torrent sites.

Nikhil D'Souza - Now I came across this dude a few days ago and was plesantly surprised and impressed. I'm a big fan of Jason Mraz and this singer songwriter reminds me a lot of him. Listen to 'Storm without a Sky' and tell me I'm wrong! Nice to see our fair city has its share of such musicians.  

And we end with a dash of Bollywood... Amit Trivedi rocks!



Till next time... vaya con dios.

North East West South

Hello and Greetings to all ye faithful,
It has been a while since my last confession post but then there hasn't been too much to write about really. So this shall be a random selection of thoughts currently circulating within that grey (see how I put that in there) area known as the Mind of Blackfayth.

The Piggy flu (as I'm calling it coz Swine flu sounds kinda derogatory and H1N1 has such a clinical feel to it) has made the city a paranoid place to be in. Of course, it could be a lot worse. For instance, the government could have waited even longer than it did to open additional testing centres besides the lone ranger Kasturba Hospital. Better late than never I suppose.

oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink-oink

A friend's FB status read - 90 people die of Swine Flu and everyone wants to wear a mask. A million people die of AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom?!
Food for thought methinks...

poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke-poke

So the one Hindi movie that I was looking forward to watching, Kaminey, I can't coz the theatres here and in Pune are shut for the weekend coz of the Piggyness sickness. But initial reports from the rest of the country and elsewhere in the world where it has been released, are so far promising which is good as a friend is associated with the film and I'm glad for her.

Dhan-Tan-Nan-Dhan-Tan-Nan-Dhan-Tan-Nan-Dhan-Tan-Nan-Dhan-Tan-Nan-Dhan-Tan-Nan

On a fair constant loop is the self titled hardrock album of American supergroup Chickenfoot, comprising of ex-Van Halen members Sammy Hagar (vox), Michael Anthony (bass), Chad Smith (Red Hot Chilli Peppers) on skin duties and the guitar God himself, Joe Satriani. Nice crisp guitar riffs and bass lines, tight drums and Hagar's vocals hark back to his best times when he was with the Van Halen brothers. All in all a pretty strong effort.

Pak-pak-pak-pakaaaw-Pak-pak-pak-pakaaaw-Pak-pak-pak-pakaaaw-Pak-pak-pak-pakaaaw

Being a freelancer has got to be in equal parts the most liberating and frustrating thing in the world. Liberating coz you are your own boss. No one to mindfuck you about anything. Frustrating because your work depends on doosro-ki-meherbaani... well atleast for the time being since I haven't established myself in the field yet. Bah!

hello-mic-testing-1-2-3-hello-mic-testing-1-2-3-hello-mic-testing-1-2-3-hello-mic-testing-1-2-3

Been watching a bunch of new shows. All promising but unfortunately a couple (Trust Me & The Unusuals) have been cancelled after just one season due to low viewership. Man... it almost seems like these Americans cannot digest the intelligent writing on these shows. Note - To my readers who're in advertising agencies, you might identify a lot with Trust Me. Another fun show is Eastbound & Down which is rude and outrageous and pretty frickin' funny.

Neilsen- Nielsen- Neilsen- Nielsen-Neilsen- Nielsen-Neilsen- Nielsen-Neilsen- Nielsen

Y'know it is my serious belief that playing Guitar Hero is like being with a younger woman. It takes a while to get a hang of things but when you do... oh boy!

wahwah-wahwah-wahwah-wahwah-wahwah-wahwah-wahwah-wahwah-wahwah-wahwah

Lastly I have opened up a new blog. While it is primarily for the benefit of me and my friends, well... a little bit of humour never hurt any one :)

Peace Out

Jammin'

I quite like Dane Cook

I like Chris Daughtry a little more (btw he just kills it at 00:35-00:40)

And when DC & CD get together...

You're listening to...

Earlier this evening I was discussing the MJ funeral with a friend (bits of which I've written in an earlier post) and she was like, "Dude you should do like a comedy sketch or something...."
Which got me thinking... I'm not ready for the glare of the bright lights of stage but I think I would like to be heard...

So I'm contemplating doing an audio version of this blog.

But also wondering if it'll be an overkill of sorts...

???

JMWG - Take #1

Been wanting to do this for a while now... This being using Audacity to record my vocals on a karaoke track. The attempt is amateurish but I didn't really expect anything less given that I have to work within the limitations of my home PC.

I've chosen Why Georgia by John Mayer primarily because my throat was a bit off today and I felt I sounded a bit like JM :D
Do have a listen and let me know what you think...
Thanks!

May you find peace

Introduced first in the mid-1970s, the Synclavier is a cross between a synthesiser and a sampler. It was one of the most expensive pieces of studio equipment that one could (or not) buy at the time. Today's technology is so advanced, that several softwares available out there will provide virtually the same kind of sound and function that the Synclavier did.

So why am I talking about an instrument that most people are unaware of? A machine whose use and indeed name, I myself was unaware of till the advent of the Wikipedia age a few years ago... While you might not have heard its name, you have quite likely heard one of the most famous sounds ever created on this machine.

Gong... Gong... Gong... Gong... Gong... Gong... Gong... 7 times (well count it if you don't believe me) before the guitar riff kicks in...

That's the intro to Track #5 on the biggest selling album of all time - Beat It from Michael Jackson's 1982 album Thriller. My introduction to the music from this album happened a couple of years after its official release. Not surprising considering access to Western music was not as widespread and by extension quick as it is today.
In the past I have mentioned my love for MJ's music and especially the above mentioned song. There was something... a genre-busting element to the track. I saw and heard so many musicians and people in the industry mention at the funeral just how vital MJ's contribution has been to the world of music and indeed the world.

Speaking of the funeral, I managed to catch it live about an hour into it the other day. I cannot believe the amount of overacting some of the family and friends did. Whole hunks of ham would feel inadequate after seeing the villains mentioned below:-

• Brooke Shields - WTF was that whole sniffling, stuck for words crap she did when she came on???!! My God this woman is supposed to be an actress... obviously not a good one coz she came across as just plain lame.
• The King siblings - OK we get that your father was a great man but was it really necessary to keep preceding every other sentence with "Like my/our father used to say...". And while writing this, I'm also reading up on both Bernice and Martin Luther III. Not very flattering and I now understand why, while watching Bernice King, I felt like I was watching some chest thumping evangelical type on God TV.
• Berry Gordy & Marlon Jackson - Gordy, who is the founder of Motown Records, has probably seen in entirety the rise and fall of the Michael Jackson phenomenon but mate that doesn't give you the right to go on and on about the freakin' softball games in which your family got your asses handed to you by them. And Marlon Jackson who started blubbering from when he took the mic and said he had no words and was speechless to a mind numbingly lengthy eulogy. Liar... liar... your brother's dead!
• Paris Jackson - To be fair, I really don't think its Paris who's the villain here but the entire Jackson family. You cant put a 12 year old little girl in the public spotlight like that. I think it was an extremely selfish and thoughtless gesture on the family's part.

While the above almost made you feel glad that MJ was dead and not have to listen to their interminably long and boring speeches, some of the others really showed their love, respect and admiration for Michael with stirring performances and eulogies:-

• John Mayer - Did a cool rocker thing. Walked on stage with a beat up ole guitar, didn't sing, just played an instrumental version of Human Nature. Very cool! \m/
• Usher - Amazing feel and reiterated why he is such a big superstar.
• Judith Hill - What a voice! No wonder she was one of the leading voices for the "This Is It" tour
• Shaheen Jafargholi - OK if this is what this kid can sing at age 12, what in the name of God is he going to sound like once he's out of his teens
• Reverend Al Sharpton - The only other time I have only seen the good Reverend speak was in his guest role in Boston Legal. And oh boy, he's as good off camera as he is on it. Statement of the ceremony, "There was nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with, but he dealt with it."

It's been a sad, unexpectedly short end to what was already a legendary life and held promise to be even bigger had the proposed "This Is It" tour taken place. A life that tomes have been written about and a lot of them for the wrong reasons. While he may have also been a humanitarian raising and contributing millions, he will, for me, always be the very first of many musical influencers who was key in shaping up my likes, taste and approach to music.

I end by echoing that charismatic rabble-rouser, Rev. Al Sharpton, "Some came here to say goodbye to Michael Jackson, I came to say... thank you."

Of Status Updates, B(a)i Love & Bombay Rain

So the gang was out last night for drinks and dinner at Masala Craft in Bandra. By the way, this place is probably gonna turn out to be a regular haunt for a number of reasons - fairly good ambiance, decent selection of alcohol (they do need to stock up on all the beers mentioned in the menu but they had the basics covered), pretty good food not to mention their healthy portions, all of which were very reasonably priced. And... and... AND the clincher - they allow smoking in the outdoor section!

So we were talking about how people are getting crazy with social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and the like who provide the Status Update function. Its getting to be a little more than ridiculous now... People seem to want to divulge every little bit of information about themselves and their lives. I mean get a life dude! No one wants to know about your current dilemma of which toilet paper you want to buy. Buy freakin' sandpaper and well go to town you idiot!

I guess women really have the worst of it when it comes to sites like Facebook. My friend ShutterBug was mentioning how when she had no profile pic, there never used to be any Friend Requests but now that she has put up her pic, she receives at least 10-15 requests a week. And she was certainly in a mood to vent about the same. And thus she presented Exhibit A - a Friend Request with a personal note - "Hello its J___... I wrk 4 international diamond jewelry firm as Marketing Manager, can I b on ur list, I think Angels from heaven never reject invitation from dukes of earth. Hope to have a word soon…"
(Hysterics ensue on the table)
BF (loudly): Hahahaha... This guy is unreal... how do people like this exist... dude's a total nutjob!
BF (mentally): Must find out how to become a Duke of Earth!

Speaking of 'Dukes', this Shiney Ahuja case is just annoying the crap out of me. I guess world & domestic news aren't exciting enough given the coverage that this story has garnered. The funniest thing is the way people have gotten behind the man. His wife and family defending him is understandable. And of course Bollywood usually looks after their own. Although once news of him having admitted to having sex with his bai (that's maid for my international readers) probably had those people distancing themselves from him as well.
Can't really say this is surprising after hearing stories (from friends in the film industry) of the man and his questionable choices of female company (makeup artists, hairdressers etc).
I guess the final word belonged to my brother who after hearing the afore-mentioned stories goes, "So he's a lover of the working class eh?!"

Finally I end this post with a fervent plea to the Rain Gods. Its been a brutal summer and I know once the rains (which we're soooo desperately craving now) truly set in, there'll be a lot of cribbing about the muck and the slush and the travelling in the resultant miserable weather, but it needs to come down right now! And none of that annoying drizzle neither...
For people who've been educated in Bombay and learnt Marathi, here's that ole verse from your and mine school days:-
Ye re Ye re pausa (Come on down, Rain)
Paisa tula deta (You shall be compensated monetarily)
Paisa zhala khota (Oops the cash turned out to be counterfeit)
Paus ala mota (Big mofo Rain came slammin' down on your cheatin' ass)

Or.... maybe you'd prefer Warren's spin on it...



Here's to those rainy afternoons when you didn't mind being cooped in... of wet windy gusts and the prettiness of Nature's greenery in all its wet glory... of adrakwali chai and kaanda bhajiya... Naaah the rains ain't so bad...

You're an insensitive retard!!

There was this article published in the New York Post a couple of weeks ago. It was about a school in Brooklyn which filled up their auditorium with a whole bunch of kids from kindergarden to fifth grade.

The intent: Show the kids a Disney movie called Camp Rock featuring the Jonas Brothers
The outcome: The kids were treated to Camp Cock featuring Jenna Jameson!!

OK so the last bit isn't true... No its not that the kids didnt not see porn... oh they most certainly did.

I mean details about the video are a fabrication and as mentioned in the NY Post, "The kindergartners, first-graders and fifth-graders were exposed to a topless woman and sex acts in the 45 seconds the obscene clip played on the jumbo screen -- as shocked teachers screamed, "Don't look at it!" and frantically tried to turn it off. "

*Attack of the Giggles*

I was telling the above story to a friend who'd have guffawed her ass off about 7 months ago. She's now pregnant and I've quoted her reply in post title.
Must be the hormones...

TNTD**

**Things NOT To Do is an idea squarely finding its inspiration from punishments received by various teachers across various grades in school. Case in point - After the deed was done, Mrs. Sundaram deemed that I shall write "I will complete my homework on time" for a grand total of 500 times. Bart Simpson's teachers aint got nothin on Mrs. S!

So anyway I am putting this as a series... of things I've been foolish enough to try but shall never do again... Or maybe I will but after a reallllyyyy long time.

TNTD for June '09 - Do NOT attempt singing karaoke on Jason Mraz songs.

The man is a freak! His easiest popular song, "I'm Yours" which I'll get right eventually (decided to practise this song and only this song) aint as easy as I'd initially thought.
Also if you really really wanna feel bad about your superior (?!) singing skills, like someone we both know, try The Remedy or Wordplay.

I tried to sing Wordplay precisely three times. After my 3rd attempt , I cried.