Communication Breakdown

Hey you,

I'm hoping you will read this and understand…

Agonised over speaking to you before you went to Singapore. Been agonizing since you came back. I get the feeling you've been avoiding me as much as I've been avoiding you.
I just wanna say I'm sorry. I tried to be only a friend... I really did. I thought I was strong enough to do it on my own and still be in touch with you, meet you on a regular basis, exchanges sms-es, chat online... But despite everything, everytime we'd meet or speak to each other, there's that irrational side of me that wants something more.
A hope… a wish … that something more will come out of this... something more than friendship. But you'd made things clear and I wish it was as easy as switching it off. But its not. For the time being atleast, I can't be "just friends" with you.

Don't think I don't value what we have. I do… you are a friend. one who has grown very close and far faster than anyone else I've met in the recent past. To such a degree that when I used to initially think about it, it almost made me feel uneasy but then I'd picture that sweet smile, and that totally cute way your chin would quirk when you'd think about something or pester me about stuff, and everything would be OK. So believe me when I say I feel like a complete a**hole telling you that I need to cut myself off. Some weird kinda cold turkey for the drug that is you :) I told you then it was my problem and I will get over you but it wasn't easy doing that while still being in touch. I guess I will get around my feelings for you eventually. But I know, as of right now, I don't want to….

I'm not sure how long it will take... you told me once you'd stop speaking to me if that's what I wanted. And when I asked how you'd feel if I did ask you to, you said cry for a bit and then try and get on with it. I laughed it off then and was all like "are you nuts?? I wouldn't ask something like that of you." I wasn't lying then… but then I didn't think it would be this hard. But now I'm asking it of you… and don't be sad or anything and PLEASE don't cry. I couldn't bear the thought of that…

Wanna know something funny?! You keep bringing back that introverted, tongue-twistedup side of me that I used to be many many years ago… I couldn't bring myself to say all of this to you if you were standing right now in front of me… I don't think I could even bring myself to look into your eyes. You'd keep asking me once in a while why I was looking at you and smiling a secret smile. This is the reason – I just couldn't say anything in those moments. Tongue-tied by the presence of you...

There will come a time when I will get past this. I only ask that you give me a chance to be your friend again then….

xOx


PS - David Gray says it so much better.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EYribhLoPA&feature=related