The AP Chronicles

I was reading this post earlier today and got to thinking of my own (solitary) experience of living away from home. Sometimes I really can’t believe I spent almost 2 years there...

After just under a year of working with my first company, I got an opportunity to work with a fairly well-established Pharma OTC company, but the posting was in Vijaywada, HQ of Krishna (a district located on the east coast of Andhra Pradesh).
While I quite liked the setup of my first company not to mention the job itself, I wasn't really rolling in the dough, so I took the new job. The thought of moving out of home, living and working in an alien city was quite intimidating and continued up until the time I boarded my train to Vijaywada from VT station.

The folks had come to see me off and I remember feeling distinctly out of sorts as the train started to pull out of the station. As I numbly waved my goodbyes to them, I had half a mind to just jump off and tell Dad that this was a huge mistake and I didn’t really wanna be away from home. As their shapes started to blur with the distance I lit up a smoke and drew deeply. Gave myself a mental pep talk - "Listen... you're almost 24... There’s tons of people who've left their homes at far far younger ages, traveled greater distances than you for education... work.... This is an experience. You're getting to see a different part of the country... Think of this as an Adventure!!"
And that last line, dear reader, kept me going for the 20 or so months that I was there...

My flat was located kinda on the outskirts of the city. It was a 1 BHK affair... some 600 feet or so. HUGE by Bombay standards and I used to pay a rent of Rs. 1000 (!!). OK let me explain coz there was a tradeoff... One, the location as I've mentioned meant lowish rents anyway. Second and most importantly, I was told I could be shifted to any empty flat as and when the current flat I was currently in, got sold off. Since I really didn’t have much junk of my own and was on the road for like 20 days a month, I figured the deal was a good one and took it.
*Course the deal came back to bite me in the a$$ shortly...

Summers were a bitch in AP. Temperatures used to routinely hit 45 degrees. And when on the odd occasion, the mercury would touch 48, then the locals would go, "Oh today it’s really hot." (?!?!) Never have I so craved the humid heat of Bombay more.
Sometime though, it'd get a little scary. I remember touring a place called Bhadrachalam in the peak of summer in '03. The temperature was a skin melting 51 degrees! I was so dehydrated before my meeting with the local distributor, I decided to stand in the shade of a nearby 'Cool Drinks' stand and have a Goli Soda (btw this is one of things I sorely miss about small town India) to cool off. As I'm replenishing my body with the fluids it so desperately needed, I saw this slightly older chap walking by and after a few feet of passing the shop, dude just collapsed! Several bystanders rushed to guy and carried him off the road into the shade. By then my sales guy called me in to meet the distributor. About an hour later, we got done and stoked by my previous Goli soda, I decided to have one more. The crowd that had gathered before had gone by now, but I asked the vendor if Fainting Dude was ok. He muttered something back, which my colleague turned to me and quietly translated, "Saar, he has expired..."
I decided then that two summers were quite enough for me in this place.

*Shortly after this trip I came back into Vijaywada. It had been a tiring train journey. I had been on the road for about 17 days at a stretch and when I got off the station, I'd made up my mind not to haggle with the rick guy about the usual overcharging they'd do. I just wanted to get home. But no motor ricks so I had to get into one of those cycle ricks which I hate coz I'm a big built guy and I can’t stand the thought of someone peddling my fat ass for a good 5 kilometers. But no choice and at that point I didn’t really care so sat in and headed home. Reach my building and find the elevator is out of order, so I trudge up 3 flights of stairs. I tried to open my door but it wouldn’t open. I hear someone coming up the stairs and its my neighbor who says my stuff has been shifted to another flat in a different building of the complex! So I go to the office and collect the keys to my new flat which is located in the 'A' Wing on... wait for it... the 7th futhermucking floor! So yet again its WALK WALK WALK up 7 flights of stairs!
That was NOT a nice day... no sirree.

I wish there was enthralling stuff to write about my time in AP but being located in Vijaywada meant that the only "exciting" things to do was going for weddings in my distributors' or team members' families (immediate or extended), or some puja associated with Diwali or Pongal or somesuch.
But the standout memories of the entire AP experience were:-
- While traveling upcountry in an area with heavy Naxal presence, our bus was pulled over and a thorough search was carried out of every passenger and their luggage for grenades and firearms.
- Visiting the beached submarine, INS Kursura, at Vishakapatnam's Ramakrishna beach. I now have major respect for the (small built) dudes who'd spend weeks under the waves in these metal tubes. Must've bumped my head like 10 times in those cramped confines.

- Being told my "worth" at one of those afore-mentioned weddings. "Saar... you're very young and holding such a good post in a company like ____. You'll get atleast 50 lacs from girl's side!... Should we find a good Andhra girl for you saar??!"

- Got 'picked' up for a one night stand (yup... first time ever!) in Vizag. Hah! Who knew that an evening, which started out with a innocent drink at the bar, would end the way it did! Oh and she was an older woman too. OK so while not a cougar, she still older than me. Aah so many fantasies fulfilled in one night hehe

By the end of Dec '03 though, I'd had it with the place and the job. So one fine day, I packed my bags, mailed off my resignation to the Hyderabad office and headed back to Bombay. I still think of that time in my life as one big adventure. An experience that came squarely under Life Lessons.

I don’t really miss that place - except that sometimes... I do...

Perception is Reality

WARNING!!! – This is a kinda poker centric post. Only meant to be read if you are a fan of the game or fully faltu.

For those of you who know me, you know of my great love for the game of poker. There are days (and nights) when I am positively obsessed with the game. I am constantly devouring bits of information and news about the game. In my head, I visualize the day when they legalize it here and that I will then become the face of the game here.
Let’s be clear – I don’t consider myself to be a great player. I would realistically put me in the decent-to-good bracket. A learning player if you will (although I think for anyone serious enough about the game, the learning never stops)

So this past weekend, I was sitting at S’s weekend getaway house situated on the outskirts of Pune. By the way, S is as or probably even more obsessed about the game than I am. And so over our glasses of Old Monk (with half water-half coke please, Bartender) we were discussing the game as we usually do on these trips. His insights on the game are something I look forward to listening to. Many areas of my game which I felt were weak have improved because of these discussions we’ve had. I look forward to the day when we’re doddering ole gents sitting on our rocking chairs and still tossing about those hands dealt… those flops hit… the bad beats taken and handed out… those invariable suckouts which just HAVE to happen on the river… while bad mouthing the younger punks who we played against...

Talk also drifted towards some personal stuff… some mine and some to do with people he’s close to. It’s not often that S will bring up topics of a personal nature coz he firmly believes in the Do-what-the-fuck-you-feel-like policy most days of the week.
But this was one of those evenings... The weather was just right. The drinks went down smooth and slow. And as we talked of these things that were directly or indirectly affecting our respective lives, I thought of just how much of the poker talk and its relevance was intertwined with life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that one’s approach to a lot of the situations that life throws at you, mirror those one comes across on the green felt. Equally too, one's decisions and their outcomes in life, could be mirrored by the decisions you took while playing a hand in poker. Maybe I’m reading more into it than there actually is… perhaps seeing and making connections because I’m into the game so much.

But I have noticed this game has made me a little more aware of people. I am more receptive to the vibe that a person might exude. I put it down to the ability to “read”, that one must develop on the table – reading whether your opponent has got you beat or is trying to pull off an audacious bluff.
I have used a quote by Immanuel Kant in the title. It holds incredibly true at the poker table and so it seems in life as well. So one tries to be more emotionless on the poker table. They don’t call it poker face for nothing. This too has creeped somewhat into my general psyche. I now try and approach a situation with my head more than my heart – something, which in the past, I have been (and continue to be) guilty of with respect to a lot of things in my life be it work or personal stuff.

Like I said before, the learning never really stops. Just like poker is a series of hands, life ends up being a series of lessons. But like S says, there nothing quite like that feeling when you made the right call. It’s the biggest thrill in the world.



S – bhai I didn’t realize you were reading this blog so regularly. This post is as much for you as it is for me - For all those Dynamic Duo :) trips we've done to Pune... the sheer blessedness of getting away from manic Bombay even if for a couple of days... the weather... those teen patti sessions then... the p0ker marathons now... the great food in the past... the GF food these days lol... the Old Monk... the bitchin'... those glorious singing sessions... the New Year's parties... that house has a lot of wonderful memories.

Rendono fermata...

Sometime in early September... Atrium Lounge, Land's End...

The Madman and I are drinking our beers and he's making oral love to his cigar...

M (looking up, blowing a dense cloud of smoke): "Man its gonna suck not being able to come here as often from October onwards..."

B: "Why do you say that?"

M: "Oh you know... the smoking ban kicks in from Bapu's birthday..."

B (mentally miles away): "Hmmm... true..."

M: "Kya hua? Still thinking about her...?! How is that coming along?"

B: "Ehh... I'm thinking there's no point in moping about something you never even had an honest shot at right...?!"

M: "Hmmm... true..."

Fast forward to sometime last week. I came across something...

I really never had a shot...

So why do I still feel a twinge of something...?

Something that feels suspiciously like pain... Rendono fermata...

A child gives birth to a mother

Been a crazy 12 hours. I was supposed to be in Pune right now at S's place enjoying my dark rum with half water half Coke. Things have a way of getting seriously tossed up. What's that saying - Man proposes and God... gives him a swift kick in the nuts saying "Na uh!"

Was up late watching season 3 of 24 till about 3am. Couple of hours later, I get woken up and we her rush to the hospital. Formalities are completed and me and Mum with her sister keep watch. Hours pass... She is in pain... its increasing by the hour. The pains are racking her body at regular intervals... increasing in their frequency and intensity. I sit in the room for as long as I can. She's breathing heavily, raggedly... sometimes deep breaths... sometimes shallow ones. She wants some medication to ease her suffering... Mum and Aunt hold her hand telling her it'll all be over soon.

I can't take it anymore. I leave the room and walk to the area near the elevators. Never have I felt this helpless... this impotent as a man. I can wish all I want to help her out but this is her thing. There's nothing anyone else can do in this situation. There are no tears flowing but I can hear them in her voice.

They wheel her off an hour later...

12:40pm

Doctor - "It was all very smooth... barely took any time at all... Congratulations! It's a boy. 3.45 kilos. Completely normal delivery."

Yup I became an uncle today. And not just in that annoying-kid-on-the-road-yelling-out-Uncle kinda way but a real honest-to-goodness uncle Uncle!

Dozens of calls made and lots of sms-es were sent off in minutes. And a few minutes later we see the lil tyke being paraded for the family for just a few seconds before he's whisked off to get cleaned up. Man newborn babies look ugl...er... weird.

They wheel my sis back into the room. She looks totally bombed. But besides the obvious exhaustion she's holding up fine. Been an absolute trooper thru almost the whole thing.

And now I must gear up to play the part of the cool (but slightly naughty) uncle. Yeah the one that his Mum will tell him to stay away from when he's old enough :D

Welcome to the family, kid.

The Big Three Oh

12:17

Another day… another year.

I hit 30. And thus goes a conversation with me and this foo called Life.

B - yo Life! I need to settle some scores with you dawg. About where you and me is at this point. I thought I oughta feel different but I don’t. I thought there be something more by now but there ain't. I thought I would be in another place, but I’m not. Just a feeling of unfinished business y’know.
Why did I think more would come of this day? Of this time?
My life seems the same it was not too many years ago. Why is that? Did I not warrant something special to happen to me by now? Did I not want that enough… whatever that might be or was I not enough of a man to get out there and seize my opportunities?
Am I content with what I am and where I am today? Don’t seem like it, if I’m here questioning you like this…

L – mah man… I am a mystery. Sometimes even to myself. I’ve seen a lotta bodies come and go. Some of them be commonplace… some not so. Some of them be punks… some not so. But some… some… they be the extra-ordinary. They be the unusual… the remarkable… sometimes even the curious. You’ve come across all of these in your short time here on this earth.
What did you do when you came across this myriad of specimens?

B - Some I ignored coz they weren’t worth it. Others I didn’t care for because they weren’t of much use in my life. But that some you mention…. Some…
I call some of those my family… yet a few others my friends… In so many cases I wasn’t sure if I would ever be tight with these people. Yet not a day goes by that I’m not thankful enough for whatever reasons there might be, for these people wanting to be part of my life.

L – There are reasons… eventually you will come across them for what they are. They are in your life because they mirror you in so many ways. Its what brought you close in the first place.
Yet there are still life lessons to learn. What lacks in you is completed by them and in so many ways it goes around the other way too. So you turned 30 today… a lesson in itself. You got yourself this far didn’t you?! There are still some more miles to travel… some more lessons to learn… some you will learn from these you call family and friends. Still more from the people who are yet to come into your life…
It’s a waiting game son… when you reach that light shining at the end of the tunnel, I’ll be waiting there for you. And as you end this journey we shall both look back and then you can ponder on what I was all about.
You might just end up marveling at all the wonders you’ve seen…

Warning – The Author was completely fucked up, drunk out of his damn mind in a seriously inebriated state post his consumption of several vodkas and loud singing. This post shall be treated as a Rambling. No references of the same shall be made in future meetings with said Author. The Author would also like to assign culpability of the occasional use of 'black' language in the above post to the episodes of The Wire that he be watching recently, aight?!