Of Status Updates, B(a)i Love & Bombay Rain

So the gang was out last night for drinks and dinner at Masala Craft in Bandra. By the way, this place is probably gonna turn out to be a regular haunt for a number of reasons - fairly good ambiance, decent selection of alcohol (they do need to stock up on all the beers mentioned in the menu but they had the basics covered), pretty good food not to mention their healthy portions, all of which were very reasonably priced. And... and... AND the clincher - they allow smoking in the outdoor section!

So we were talking about how people are getting crazy with social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and the like who provide the Status Update function. Its getting to be a little more than ridiculous now... People seem to want to divulge every little bit of information about themselves and their lives. I mean get a life dude! No one wants to know about your current dilemma of which toilet paper you want to buy. Buy freakin' sandpaper and well go to town you idiot!

I guess women really have the worst of it when it comes to sites like Facebook. My friend ShutterBug was mentioning how when she had no profile pic, there never used to be any Friend Requests but now that she has put up her pic, she receives at least 10-15 requests a week. And she was certainly in a mood to vent about the same. And thus she presented Exhibit A - a Friend Request with a personal note - "Hello its J___... I wrk 4 international diamond jewelry firm as Marketing Manager, can I b on ur list, I think Angels from heaven never reject invitation from dukes of earth. Hope to have a word soon…"
(Hysterics ensue on the table)
BF (loudly): Hahahaha... This guy is unreal... how do people like this exist... dude's a total nutjob!
BF (mentally): Must find out how to become a Duke of Earth!

Speaking of 'Dukes', this Shiney Ahuja case is just annoying the crap out of me. I guess world & domestic news aren't exciting enough given the coverage that this story has garnered. The funniest thing is the way people have gotten behind the man. His wife and family defending him is understandable. And of course Bollywood usually looks after their own. Although once news of him having admitted to having sex with his bai (that's maid for my international readers) probably had those people distancing themselves from him as well.
Can't really say this is surprising after hearing stories (from friends in the film industry) of the man and his questionable choices of female company (makeup artists, hairdressers etc).
I guess the final word belonged to my brother who after hearing the afore-mentioned stories goes, "So he's a lover of the working class eh?!"

Finally I end this post with a fervent plea to the Rain Gods. Its been a brutal summer and I know once the rains (which we're soooo desperately craving now) truly set in, there'll be a lot of cribbing about the muck and the slush and the travelling in the resultant miserable weather, but it needs to come down right now! And none of that annoying drizzle neither...
For people who've been educated in Bombay and learnt Marathi, here's that ole verse from your and mine school days:-
Ye re Ye re pausa (Come on down, Rain)
Paisa tula deta (You shall be compensated monetarily)
Paisa zhala khota (Oops the cash turned out to be counterfeit)
Paus ala mota (Big mofo Rain came slammin' down on your cheatin' ass)

Or.... maybe you'd prefer Warren's spin on it...



Here's to those rainy afternoons when you didn't mind being cooped in... of wet windy gusts and the prettiness of Nature's greenery in all its wet glory... of adrakwali chai and kaanda bhajiya... Naaah the rains ain't so bad...

You're an insensitive retard!!

There was this article published in the New York Post a couple of weeks ago. It was about a school in Brooklyn which filled up their auditorium with a whole bunch of kids from kindergarden to fifth grade.

The intent: Show the kids a Disney movie called Camp Rock featuring the Jonas Brothers
The outcome: The kids were treated to Camp Cock featuring Jenna Jameson!!

OK so the last bit isn't true... No its not that the kids didnt not see porn... oh they most certainly did.

I mean details about the video are a fabrication and as mentioned in the NY Post, "The kindergartners, first-graders and fifth-graders were exposed to a topless woman and sex acts in the 45 seconds the obscene clip played on the jumbo screen -- as shocked teachers screamed, "Don't look at it!" and frantically tried to turn it off. "

*Attack of the Giggles*

I was telling the above story to a friend who'd have guffawed her ass off about 7 months ago. She's now pregnant and I've quoted her reply in post title.
Must be the hormones...

TNTD**

**Things NOT To Do is an idea squarely finding its inspiration from punishments received by various teachers across various grades in school. Case in point - After the deed was done, Mrs. Sundaram deemed that I shall write "I will complete my homework on time" for a grand total of 500 times. Bart Simpson's teachers aint got nothin on Mrs. S!

So anyway I am putting this as a series... of things I've been foolish enough to try but shall never do again... Or maybe I will but after a reallllyyyy long time.

TNTD for June '09 - Do NOT attempt singing karaoke on Jason Mraz songs.

The man is a freak! His easiest popular song, "I'm Yours" which I'll get right eventually (decided to practise this song and only this song) aint as easy as I'd initially thought.
Also if you really really wanna feel bad about your superior (?!) singing skills, like someone we both know, try The Remedy or Wordplay.

I tried to sing Wordplay precisely three times. After my 3rd attempt , I cried.

The AP Chronicles

I was reading this post earlier today and got to thinking of my own (solitary) experience of living away from home. Sometimes I really can’t believe I spent almost 2 years there...

After just under a year of working with my first company, I got an opportunity to work with a fairly well-established Pharma OTC company, but the posting was in Vijaywada, HQ of Krishna (a district located on the east coast of Andhra Pradesh).
While I quite liked the setup of my first company not to mention the job itself, I wasn't really rolling in the dough, so I took the new job. The thought of moving out of home, living and working in an alien city was quite intimidating and continued up until the time I boarded my train to Vijaywada from VT station.

The folks had come to see me off and I remember feeling distinctly out of sorts as the train started to pull out of the station. As I numbly waved my goodbyes to them, I had half a mind to just jump off and tell Dad that this was a huge mistake and I didn’t really wanna be away from home. As their shapes started to blur with the distance I lit up a smoke and drew deeply. Gave myself a mental pep talk - "Listen... you're almost 24... There’s tons of people who've left their homes at far far younger ages, traveled greater distances than you for education... work.... This is an experience. You're getting to see a different part of the country... Think of this as an Adventure!!"
And that last line, dear reader, kept me going for the 20 or so months that I was there...

My flat was located kinda on the outskirts of the city. It was a 1 BHK affair... some 600 feet or so. HUGE by Bombay standards and I used to pay a rent of Rs. 1000 (!!). OK let me explain coz there was a tradeoff... One, the location as I've mentioned meant lowish rents anyway. Second and most importantly, I was told I could be shifted to any empty flat as and when the current flat I was currently in, got sold off. Since I really didn’t have much junk of my own and was on the road for like 20 days a month, I figured the deal was a good one and took it.
*Course the deal came back to bite me in the a$$ shortly...

Summers were a bitch in AP. Temperatures used to routinely hit 45 degrees. And when on the odd occasion, the mercury would touch 48, then the locals would go, "Oh today it’s really hot." (?!?!) Never have I so craved the humid heat of Bombay more.
Sometime though, it'd get a little scary. I remember touring a place called Bhadrachalam in the peak of summer in '03. The temperature was a skin melting 51 degrees! I was so dehydrated before my meeting with the local distributor, I decided to stand in the shade of a nearby 'Cool Drinks' stand and have a Goli Soda (btw this is one of things I sorely miss about small town India) to cool off. As I'm replenishing my body with the fluids it so desperately needed, I saw this slightly older chap walking by and after a few feet of passing the shop, dude just collapsed! Several bystanders rushed to guy and carried him off the road into the shade. By then my sales guy called me in to meet the distributor. About an hour later, we got done and stoked by my previous Goli soda, I decided to have one more. The crowd that had gathered before had gone by now, but I asked the vendor if Fainting Dude was ok. He muttered something back, which my colleague turned to me and quietly translated, "Saar, he has expired..."
I decided then that two summers were quite enough for me in this place.

*Shortly after this trip I came back into Vijaywada. It had been a tiring train journey. I had been on the road for about 17 days at a stretch and when I got off the station, I'd made up my mind not to haggle with the rick guy about the usual overcharging they'd do. I just wanted to get home. But no motor ricks so I had to get into one of those cycle ricks which I hate coz I'm a big built guy and I can’t stand the thought of someone peddling my fat ass for a good 5 kilometers. But no choice and at that point I didn’t really care so sat in and headed home. Reach my building and find the elevator is out of order, so I trudge up 3 flights of stairs. I tried to open my door but it wouldn’t open. I hear someone coming up the stairs and its my neighbor who says my stuff has been shifted to another flat in a different building of the complex! So I go to the office and collect the keys to my new flat which is located in the 'A' Wing on... wait for it... the 7th futhermucking floor! So yet again its WALK WALK WALK up 7 flights of stairs!
That was NOT a nice day... no sirree.

I wish there was enthralling stuff to write about my time in AP but being located in Vijaywada meant that the only "exciting" things to do was going for weddings in my distributors' or team members' families (immediate or extended), or some puja associated with Diwali or Pongal or somesuch.
But the standout memories of the entire AP experience were:-
- While traveling upcountry in an area with heavy Naxal presence, our bus was pulled over and a thorough search was carried out of every passenger and their luggage for grenades and firearms.
- Visiting the beached submarine, INS Kursura, at Vishakapatnam's Ramakrishna beach. I now have major respect for the (small built) dudes who'd spend weeks under the waves in these metal tubes. Must've bumped my head like 10 times in those cramped confines.

- Being told my "worth" at one of those afore-mentioned weddings. "Saar... you're very young and holding such a good post in a company like ____. You'll get atleast 50 lacs from girl's side!... Should we find a good Andhra girl for you saar??!"

- Got 'picked' up for a one night stand (yup... first time ever!) in Vizag. Hah! Who knew that an evening, which started out with a innocent drink at the bar, would end the way it did! Oh and she was an older woman too. OK so while not a cougar, she still older than me. Aah so many fantasies fulfilled in one night hehe

By the end of Dec '03 though, I'd had it with the place and the job. So one fine day, I packed my bags, mailed off my resignation to the Hyderabad office and headed back to Bombay. I still think of that time in my life as one big adventure. An experience that came squarely under Life Lessons.

I don’t really miss that place - except that sometimes... I do...

57%

Couple of weeks back, I'm waiting at one of those ridiculously long you'll-be-rotting-here-till-the-end-of-time signals, when I see a woman, by the side of the road chatting away on her mobile, walking towards my general direction.

She walks past my rick and eventually goes out of sight. But I'd stopped watching midway... more interested in seeing my fellow wait-ers at the signal gawking at this woman. Pretty much every dude including the 2 guys on a bike next to me and my own rickshaw-wala had their eyes fixed on her. Couple of reasons for this - A) She was good looking. Not a spectacular, drop dead gorgeous specimen but a decent looker nonetheless. B) She had the kind of clothes and makeup on that suggested she might be a model/actress heading to/from a shoot.

The moment she passed us and was reasonably out of earshot, the pillion rider whispers something to the biker and they both let out a smirky laugh. Just got me thinking of how juvenile Indian men can really be. I mean its kinda pathetic but the majority (and I'm talking strictly about the urban and reasonably well educated category) of these men just don't have it in them to be classy about such matters.
Some weird Pavlovian thing I guess... Woman walks by... Tongues hang out.. and you don't have the ability to do anything nor the willingness to remain quiet, so you pass nasty comments.
I like my women as much as the next guy but I just can't stand just how crude some guys get when it comes to women and describing them.

Speaking of juvenile, back in school, and you know how hormonally raging teens can get, breasts were a matter of serious and utter (udder?!) fascination for all of us. So in typical teen-sian words, one would compare sizes and in descriptives which ranged from, "Arre dekh uske 3 litre ke..." to "Usko AMC bulatey hain... Aarey Milk Colony... hahaha..." to the most inane one (with the requisite hand gestures) I've heard in all my years, "Dekhe kya uske?!! Kya mast ball-beel hai!"
Someone please enlighten me as to what the fuck a Beel is. Also is it only me or do others find it cringe-weird when Indian men refer to breasts as balls???

After doing a quick read thru on the above post, its a little more obvious why this website believes what it does... Bah!

X fest

Couple of weeks ago I was doing my usual routine of trolling the torrent sites checking out what's new in the music world and randomly scrolled down to the movies section of a particular site and was stunned to see a print of Wolverine available for download.
From a numbers perspective, there were 35,000 seeders and 65,000 leechers!

I'm not averse to the wide wonderful world of Internet piracy but please please P L E A S E save the Wolverine for the theatres. The Adamantium clawed X Man deserves the big screen treatment and if initial reports are true, the wait will be well worth it.
He certainly has, for the longest time, been a fan favorite with the male readers, but the ladies too have taken a real shining to Wolvie. Altho methinks that has a lot to do with Hugh Jackman's portrayal of the character.

While I am excited to see the Logan/Wolverine backstory (this is a prequel to the series), I am also kicked about seeing another personal favorite Remy LeBeau a.k.a Gambit who I think is the coolest X Men character after Wolverine. I hope Taylor Kitsch has done justice to the character.

Today is the official release date for the movie in the US. Can't wait till it hits our shores!

Gambit: You know it's a bad sign when I'm the voice of reason

Badshah Dildo

I been hooked onto reading this for the past few days. It's a blog that's claimed to be written by a player in the Kolkata Knightriders team.
Some hysterically funny stuff which I believe is being ghostwritten by someone who posesses a far sharper wit than any of the Kolkata Knightriders I should think...


P.S. - The title is the blog writer's reference to KKR owner Shahrukh Khan lol

The Way of Zen

After seeing a lot of it on Life, I am slowly trying to sift thru the enigma that is Zen.

Here's a good place to start if you're interested...

#28. Time an Egg

Came across these while I was trolling... Barney's reasons to have sex (and its pretty obvious which ones he has contributed) just kill me :D
For those unenlightened souls, I'm referring to the show How I Met Your Mother or as i like to call it the slightly dirtier version of F.R.I.E.N.D.S
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/how_i_met_your_mother/community/50_reasons/index.php

And what's happening with you?

The need to post finally awoke in me but at the same time I didn't feel like putting any effort into the process of it all so due apologies for the scattered nature of the post...


So yes yes... I am well and truly alive. Just underground not dead. Not that I've been busy with work or anything... just haven't been in a mood to write. I guess nothing too interesting has really happened which warranted a post. While this sort of break has happened in the past, this time around I even quit reading the other blogs I usually follow.
I've caught up on all of them in the past couple of days and there are some major upheavals which have happened in my fellow bloggers' personal and professional lives. To them I say chin up and you'll ride out the wave soon enough. There's an almost karmic way to these things.

Speaking of profession, being jobless is a freakin' task! It was fun to begin with... vacationed a lot and then bummed (and still bumming) once back home. But that vile corporate slave side of me is now beginning to twitch just that wee bit. Shouldn't be too hard to stamp that out but having nothing to do will keep this twitch festering for a while I guess.

For those curious, my new path of choosing is the creative world - I am training to get into voice-overs, dubbing... possibly radio jockeying if that opportunity presents itself.
Any tips/suggestions/heads-up with regard to this field would be greatly appreciated.

Went to Goa couple of weeks ago and had a trip that was in equal parts enjoyable and a trifle bit annoying. Enjoyable for obvious reasons (its Goa after all... sun... sand... sea... ice cold beer) and not-so-obvious ones (it was a road trip so really had fun driving K's big ole Ford Endeavor). Annoying because I was off meat (Lent was on) so as you can well imagine, I was sitting in places like Britto's and Martin's eating bloody vegetarian sadness while my glutton friends stuffed their faces with all that nice beef chilly and lamb and fish and crab.
So I've been indulging since midnight last night in what can only be termed as a food and drink orgy at various places. 'Course my poor tummy is paying for it now but maaaann its been worth it :D oh and Happy Easter to y'all.

Then there's that sorta colourful yet mildly grey area of "the relationship". Don't quite know what to make of that particular situation. I guess we both have been mature about how we should tackle it, given our respective circumstances. Still it would've been nice to have had a lesser number of obstacles than we currently do.
I know you'll read this eventually and just want to say I'm hoping for good things if and when they happen :)

What else?! Oh right... there was a pretty amusing incident which happened when we were hanging in Zenzi a couple of nights back. The 'we' were the Madman, the Miner, the Banker, Shutterbug, Alex and me. There were a few drinks going down and general conversation and banter were flying around. Now the boys (which is everyone except Shutterbug) were goofing around while Shutterbug excused herself and headed to the little girls room.
She comes out a while later and tells us she met this girl who was quite distraught. The young lady had been setup on a blind date with a guy she referred to as "someone who is old enough to be my uncle if not father". Shutterbug being a kindhearted soul comforted the poor thing and then headed back out to our table. She mentions the incident that transpired in the loo to the boys. We of course decided that the maiden needed rescuing.
So after much cajoling from us, SBug heads to the outer area and does the whole fake "Oh my God!! Fancy meeting you here! Its been ages... where have you been??" After an understandable minute of confusion, the bulb goes on over that girl's head and she plays along.

She then comes in and joins us where lots of bitching happens about her date and how she's having such a terrible evening and that even a rescue from rank strangers was totally welcomed by her.
Anyway one thing led to another and since the fellas were in a mood, even the date was invited to our table where all sorts of stories were fed to him about our origins ("Oh three of us are college mates who havent met in 4-5 years... he's a business acquaintance... She's his cousin" blah etc yada). Post which the gang (Alex in particular) proceeded to take the ever livin' mickey outta the guy. Safe to say that dude was in as much misery as we were in mirth.
But a fun night with more laughs than originally intended!

Who is reading this blog?
OK so I'll admit that after almost a year and a half of blogging, the curiosity has got to me. I want to know the number of people who actually read this blog. Being geographically inclined, I would like to know where you're at but only if you feel comfortable about sharing that info. So drop a comment if you read my blog of infrequentness (aah i know its not a word but hey its my blog)

Lastly, here's a really nice tune thats been playing on loop for the past few weeks. I have made most of my friends listen to it and I think you, like them, will quite enjoy this song. It's called Do Dil and its by a Paki band called Noori. This is their first ever song (never got recorded tho) and they've retained the original composition as it was, when created some 13 years ago! Some nice guitar work and the two man vocals complement each other and contrast in just the right amounts. Enjoy!



Peace out.